BLESSED BE GOD by Chinelo Dillimono DROPS TODAY

One of Nigeria’s Worship Leaders and Anointed Woman of God Pastor Chinelo Dillimono releases a New Single Titled BLESSED BE GOD from her upcoming album EXALTING JESUS! This delectable Port Harcourt based Psalmist and Songwriter with an unquestionably strong Soprano voice known for her worship ministry which spans almost 3 decades and whose heart and vision is to see Jesus glorified in ALL things releases this soul uplifting, worship stirring song that will rouse  your heart to worship and lift your hands to the one  who is God Alone!  Let the worship begin and let the Church say BLESSED BE GOD!!

DOWNLOAD THE SONG HERE


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The Master's Worship (Part 3)

Download The Album NEW DAWN here!

In the words of Internationally known speaker Myles Munroe, “When the purpose of a thing is not known; abuse is inevitable”   When we understand the reason why we worship I believe we would apply ourselves to the worship of God in a whole new way.  Value is added to living when worship is applied to living.  The ability to experience outstanding impact in your walk with God is to have outstanding heart towards Him, His people and His Kingdom.

God is to be worshipped primarily because He is Sovereign. His Sovereignty alone demands that He ought to be worshipped. All things that are and will ever be proceed from Him. Nothing is that could ever have been nor can be without Him.  Everything that is, seen or unseen is sustained as we speak by the power of His Word.  His awesomeness demands that He ought to be worshipped. 

Another reason why we worship Him is because of His holiness.  God is holy!  He is righteous!  There is no darkness in Him at all.  When we come into His presence, His holiness compels you to bow before Him.  Not in condemnation or humiliation but in awe of His Majesty.  In wonderment of who God is.  Contact with His person will elicit a shout of wonder.  As is said in colloquial terms “God is too much”.

We worship Him because we are created as objects of worship.  Man is not complete without a life of worship.  Worship is the true breather for man. We stand in the fullness of our purpose when we become worshippers.  Worship is the answer to man’s search and quest. It is the main piece of man’s life’s puzzle.  There is a longing in every heart that becomes quenched.  When we worship we are transformed into the image we see on the mount of worship (discussed in later chapter). Worship is our life.  It is our lifeline.  There is a hunger, a thirst, a quest in the life of every man that can only be satisfied when we abandon all else and bow at his feet. 

A song writer said

Down at your feet oh LORD

Is the most high place 

In your presence LORD

I seek your face

There is no higher calling

No greater honor

Than to bow and kneel before your throne

I’m amazed at your glory

Embraced by your mercy Oh LORD

I LIVE to worship you

Wow! What words!  The most high place of everyone of us is DOWN at His feet!  It’s our life.  It’s what we were created for. ...to be continued

God Bless you

(c) Chinelo Dillimono 2016
Follow on Twitter: @chinelodilimono

The Master's Worship (Part 1)

God is a God of purpose. He never does anything without an original intent.  God created worship to achieve something, to promote and enhance change. Its sole purpose is to give Him pleasure. Have you wondered what God’s pleasure is?

He is God of all and above all and desires reverence and adoration to be given solely to Him by His creatures. Nevertheless, what is worship? Why do we worship? How do we worship? Why do we go through weeks and weeks of gathering together to worship God? Does worship have any lasting effect or impact on the worshiper?  Is worship about us or about Him? What was God’s original intention for creating worship? It must have been of great importance to Him to have created a being – Lucifer, solely for giving Him worship. God selected a whole tribe, the tribe of Levi for the assignment of creating worship in the Temple and attending to the vessels and place of worship.

Why does God demand sole worship?

“I am the LORD your God,…You shall have no other gods before me…You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,…

Ex 20:2-5

God is one. He is Sovereign and has sovereign rulership and authority over all creation. All things were made for His pleasure.

 “Thou art worthy O Lord to receive glory, honor and power,

for thou hast created all thingsand for thy pleasure they are and were created

Rev 4:11 [KJV]

 From the Old to the New Testaments, it is obvious that God’s desire from the foundation of the world and His original intention for the creation of man is that man should give Him pleasure; spirit, soul and body.

God created man so that man could know Him and love Him. Worship flows from a love relationship with God. It’s all about loving God. All relationships are based on trust. In worship you step out and trust what God has said about Himself and His ways.

Imagine a man taking a walk into a supermarket to buy a piece of antique just to give him pleasure. He might as well have purchased something else but rather having the power of choice, chooses a particular piece for his pleasure.  In like manner, God says in Gen 1:26 “Let us make man in our image and in our likeness…”  God made a divine choice to create man. Gen 2:7.  In other words, man is God’s instrument to whom He gave the power of choice.  God created man to give Him worship. Worship thrills God. It has great significance with God.

From the beginning of time, worship has been paramount in the heart of God. Little wonder King Solomon in his entire quest, as seen in the Book of Ecclesiastes, discovered that the whole duty of man, in all his earthly endeavors, is to fear God and worship Him. ...to be continued

Shalom!!

(c) Chinelo Dillimono
Follow on Twitter: @chinelodilimono

Halleluyah Amen by Chinelo Dillimono

He died and He Rose to give us Victory! The price He paid has indeed opened a new and living way for us all.  So in this season of Easter enjoy this New Song from the ministry of Pastor Chinelo Dillimono!  Christ is indeed Risen!!

https://soundcloud.com/chinelodillimono/halleluyah-amen?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=email

THE GIFT OF FRIENDS

I was going through the Book of Job and certain thoughts began to parade my mind about friendships and what a gift it could be especially when the right principles are applied. Every single one of us needs true friends. People we can rely on and who in turn can rely on us. Nevertheless I have discovered that there are various levels of friendships. There are those who know that at anytime 'T' they can rely on us. We are their friends but they are not ours in the same way and vice versa. That is to say that certain people could be a shoulder we rely on but they do not find us their place of succour in their time of need. They have others they run to when they are in dire need of a good friend. It doesn't mean we are not their friends but we may not be a friend to them in that light or to that extent. They mean no harm and they are still and always a friend for us. For instance as a Pastor and a Pastor's wife, often times my life seems to really be like that of a fish in a fishbowl. I am available as a friend, mother, confidant, acquaintance, counsellor, etc. giving a listening ear to many and truly do not mind it at all. Most times am a shoulder for many to cry on but it can be quite an uphill task locating within the myriads of people a true friend who can be there for me especially when I need a friend to rely on. You can't share everything with everyone can you?

 In other words, you can be friend to someone in their time of need and they are not necessarily a friend for your time of need and vice versa.  It doesn't mean you are not friends but its friendship at varied levels.  The third level of friendship I find is that there are those who are not only friends to you but you are friends to. That kind of symbiotic friendship can be deeper and really mutual.  I like how the children of these days put it BBF (Best Friends Forever)

That said, let's go back to Job. Here's a man in the midst of a trying moment in his life. In the depth of despair! Quite confused about his situation because he had applied all the principles in the book so he shouldn't, I mean by normal human calculations find himself in such a tight corner. Yet here he was!  Been there done that! I dare say that many in life try to give an explanation to many things that happen in their lives. I used to live on that highway! I thought I could explain everything. Of course there should be a logical explanation for everything shouldn't there? Sorry! I equally had to learn that there are things in life that cant be explained. So here's my thought on this when it comes to friendship. I needn't be the friend who always wants to explain the whys about your life's journey because sometimes they are absolutely unexplainable! He knows the way you take and He knows the path set before you. You sure can guess already that I don't need that kind of friend either.

Job had a crop of friends who couldn't care less but to be theologically right! They 'needed' to prove to him that they had an understanding of God and His laws (they sure were far from the truth)! He had friends who wouldn't be like Jesus who would rather go against the 'Far-to-sees' (Pharisees) and 'Sad-to-sees' (Sadducees) to reach out to the woman who had been bent over for 18years. He had friends who judged him in their hearts though they sat in 'mourning' with him! No wonder at the end of the story, the Mighty one who sees in secret, and before whom nothing is hidden tells those friends to go to Job for prayers! Hmmm! Our prayer today, I think should be Lord make me a 'Friendship Gift' to someone who needs me. Not to judge nor try to explain their situation but to just be there!

I hope this makes sense.  See you next time!

(c) Chinelo Dillimono 2015

I CAN'T PROMISE TO BE PERFECT

I'll be totally straight with you . . . I don't like it when someone tells me that I'm making a mistake or that am wrong. Call it foolish pride I suppose. Can you relate with that too? After all, no one's perfect and I know I make mistakes. There are things I have done that only God knows and I sure thank Him for His mercies that endure forever! I have found myself in places and positions I never in my wildest dreams would have contemplated. There are also things I have failed to do and many times I wonder if I will ever have another opportunity to make amends. Anyways, truth be told no one's perfect living here. This goes for many of us Christians who want to see life through perfect spectacles! Amazing teaching from the Master himself that there are two different kinds of houses-the one built on sand and the one built on the rock. When the rains, winds, waves and storms (4 different categories of trials and temptations) come, only those founded on the Rock will stand. Brings me to a simple conclusion. I can't determine what nor when the storms will come. Its not in my power to decide when a trial or a temptation comes. They may come at weak moments and I find myself making some gross mistakes. So I can't promise to be perfect but you know what? I sure can promise to love Him with a perfect heart. I can promise to run to Him even after the mistakes I make. His love and mercies (notice its in plural) endures (is longlasting) forever! O la la! That's a spot for a Faith Shout!!! No wonder our Blessed Savior when asked what the greatest commandment is; without equivocation said, its two of a kind- Love the LORD thy God with ALL thy heart... and Love thy neighbour as thyself. I can promise to do that!!!!! SELAH!! See you next time. (c) 2011 Chinelo Dillimono

I CAN BEGIN AGAIN

Life is truly amazing. My recent mantra has been "I can begin again with the passion of a child!" and I truly believe it. God always gives us new opportunities to start again. The Prophet Isaiah spoke about God doing a new thing. Jesus through John the Revelator says "Behold I make ALL things new". I can give a Faith Shout for that! Failure, it is said, is never final. The battle is not over until you win. Most often it seems we are at the end of the road and we tend to put a closure on it but its usually a bend. The end of one road is the beginning of a new one! If there happens to be a mountain on my way, then I bore a hole through it. I won't give up now because its not working. I won't throw in the towel because I made a mistake; or putting it succintly, I sinned. I will not let the enemy have a field day because I have messed up my last opportunity. I won't stop dreaming because I have hit the big 4 and looks like I'm stepping into the evening of life! I won't give up on friendships because one went sour! I won't stop being a blessing because someone didn't appreciate my last sacrifice. I can't stop loving because I have been hurt by someone who probably didn't deserve my love (I wonder if there's really anyone undeserving of love). That I failed at something doesn't mean I can't win at something else. Truth is; I CAN BEGIN AGAIN! I can be renewed and ready for a fresh start. Yes I can! I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. I can begin with a new passion and make a success of whatever I have set my heart to. So what do I do then? I will wake up from my slumber; look myself in the mirror and tell myself one more time: I CAN BEGIN AGAIN! SELAH! See you next time!

ONE DAY AT A TIME!!

I used to be a non-conforming idealist who saw life through what I believed was Ideal! I mean if something is black why say its got a shade of grey or worse still try to convince me that it is actually white, being reflected as black or something as crazy as that? I saw life as one straight road and of course with my scientific mind I believed that, as is seen in all mathematical equations, 1 + 1 should invariably be 2! No matter the proposed hypothesis tomorrow if there ever should be, at least to the best of my knowledge, I don't think another theory would be proposed tomorrow that 1 + 1 is now 8 or something as preposterous as that! I couldn't see why certain people fall for certain things! Now in hindsight I wonder what shade of spectacles I really wore! Anyways, I think many live in that ideal world where for example Jack meets Jill, they fall in love and they live happily ever after or brother X marries sister Y and never have marital storms that threaten the foundation of their marital experience or one gets born-again and after their salvation experience, never fall into temptation because its all a smooth ride or probably never have some habits or stuff to deal with! In this 'Ideal World', nothing SHOULD go wrong for crying out loud! I mean once you get saved everything should be alright, right? WRONG!!! The 'younger' I get the more I see the truth about this life and walking with the LORD. When we read the words of the Psalmist, he says '...even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...".. Hmm! So there are moments when the one whom the LORD shepherds actually could walk through such a valley? Don't we all wish it doesn't have to be so? However in the real world where I now belong, it is a daily walk! It is a daily cry 'Precious LORD take my hand and lead me on". When am up on the mountain or down in the valley of life I must always remember, He loves me with a love that will never let me go. I should never judge another through the spectacles for my vision as He knows the way we all take and sometimes He may take Daniel through the lion's den in order to show the kings of the earth in our lives that He is the King of kings! He may take a young innocent Joseph through various stages only to to have him end up in a dungeon, in order to show the world that He can take a man from the dunghills and place him to sit with kings and princes! He may choose to elect a Solomon, born out of a relationship whose genesis is adulterous and tainted with murder of the 1st degree (my judgement) yet place him on the throne of Israel and give him rest on every side! No wonder Paul daring or should I say with a slip of his pen began to say that now we have come to know God, corrected himself and stated that God has come to know us because we really do not know Him. He is a mystery that is only unfolded in our daily walk with His Spirit. So what is the conclusion of this matter? Simply, ONE DAY AT A TIME! Putting my hands in His hands and trusting Him to lead me all the way. Never pretending or should I say presupposing I have all the answers to all the stuff that's going on in my life. Never thinking that I understand all mysteries about Him and know the way my life should take because in the words of Oswald Chambers (My Utmost for His Highest), He sometimes may pass me through uncertain waters which have nothing to do with me but the lives that He wants to send my way. SELAH! See you next time!!!

ANYTHING FOR MY JESUS!!

When she woke up that morning, I guess her sleep must have been pretty light. Somewhere in between her sleep thinking, wondering, possibly calculating. She alone knew the burden on her heart. She alone knew where He had touched her life. Truly, she who has been forgiven little loves little and she who has been forgiven much loves much!

She loved Him but she needed to show it. But how? What does she have to give Him? What can she do to make Him know how much she appreciates Him? She's heard it Him teach about not letting your left hand know what your right hand is doing so how can she show her Master her love for Him?

Then she remembers! Alas! There is an Alabaster box worth a whole year's wages that she'd kept for sometime in the future. It was her priceless possession. It was her savings for her future. She alone knew the cost of that oil! She alone knew the attachment she had had to it. She alone knew what it meant to her but you see, ANYTHING FOR JESUS! had become her mantra! Anything to show Him how much He is loved.

Interesting how Simon the Leper could criticize her! He had forgotten that according to the Jewish laws he was what my people (the Igbos) call an OSU! An outcast, one who's place of dwelling according to the Law was outside the camp but who had by virtue of the mercy of Christ received access yet he boldly could criticize this young lady who only Jesus knew the weight she's carried, why and for how long!

Yet, inspite of the criticism, the snares, the behind the scenes whispers, the gossip, the side comments (she too dey do), out of the depths of her heart was a simple determination; ANYTHING FOR MY JESUS!

He was worth it all! He had given her hope for a better life, a better future, a stable existence. He had become her all and deserved her all!

My heart sings, ANYTHING FOR MY JESUS! I will let down my pride, I will take the scoffs and snares! I will endure the disbelief and silent abuses; ALL FOR MY JESUS! I will serve for Him, Love for Him, Live for Him, Deny myself for Him, Go through the pain for Him, Touch for Him, Stand for Him,Sing for Him!! ANYTHING FOR MY JESUS!!!

ELEMENTS OF A BLISSFUL CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

There is a difference between a Christian marriage and a marriage between two professing Christians. It is possible to be two church attending Christians yet have a completely unchristian home or should I say marriage. It is truly unfortunate what is seen in homes today and sadly enough many unmarried folks are crazy about running into marriage. It is glaring and a known fact that too many are preparing for the wedding but very few are truly preparing for the marriage which is a totally different kettle of fish!

In today's world you have even in Christian homes abusive, disrespectful partners who have no qualms with treating their spouses in an unchristian manner. Words spoken to their spouses are almost like what Paul said that these things should not once be mentioned among you. Yet they are found in the homes and marriages of many Christians. Their light seems to shine only in Church and before the brethren but are completely unconcerned that our Christian testimony actually begins from the house. I have come to the conclusion that if my spouse cannot affirm and attest to my Christian conduct and character then I have got some homework to do.

A Christian marriage is one being built by two Christians submitted to the Word of God and the workings of the Holy Spirit. A marriage is not built in a day but rather is a process of together laying aside certain elements, attributes, attitudes and character traits that negate God's word and picking up that which makes for the honor of the name of Christ you bear and the marriage you are building. Your wedding is the door into marriage. Marriage is a journey that only ends in death and not divorce!

Prov 24:3 says by WISDOM a house/home/marriage is built and 1Cor1:30 says Christ is our WISDOM. Therefore it means 'By Christ a marriage is built'! Christ in us is the wisdom we need to build our homes. it's unfortunate when we see some Christian try to build their marriages on certain demeaning traditions that have no bearing in Christ! Christ is our TRADITION!

Here are some Christ-like Elements for a Blissful Christian Marriage

a. The Love of God (Agape-unconditional) The Bible enjoins us to Follow the WAY of love, 1Cor16:14 - Do EVERYTHING in love, 1Pet1:22 - Love DEEPLY from the heart, Eph4:16 - BUILDING (Edifying) in love. Love your spouse unconditionally is no different from the demands of loving the brotherhood unconditionally. The true proof of our love life is when we can love the person we live with and wake up every morning with, unconditionally. Most often in marriages we tend to rely on the love ‘feeling’ and it is fickle. It changes depending on the circumstances we find ourselves in at various seasons in our lives. Rather we need to depend on the love commitment which transcends feeling and becomes our decision, choice and determination, to love our partners inspite of them, what they do or don’t do but because we have made a commitment to love and besides in accordance with our Christian responsibility, we should love them.\

b. Mutual Respect (Respect is EARNED not forced). In many cases it is believed that it is the woman's obligation to respect her husband and indeed we see it spelt out clearly in Eph5:33 - Wives RESPECT your husband (For his God-given position)but the scriptures also instructs the man to respect his wife as seen in 1Pet3:7 - Husbands RESPECT your wife (For her person)

c. Justice & Fairness (Godly consideration i.e. what is RIGHT and FAIR) God seeks justice and fairness in the marriage garden that he planted. He seeks just laws that don't oppress or deprive or rob God-given rights as a human being. Jesus says do unto others as you would have them do unto you - THE GOLDEN RULE!

d. Forgiveness - As Christ forgives us unconditionally. Prov12:16 says that love OVERLOOKS an insult, 1Cor13:5 - Love keeps NO RECORD of wrongs, Col3:13 - Forgive GRIEVANCES as Christ forgives you (How does God forgive us?) Mic7:19 - He HURLS/CASTS them to the depths of the sea and Jer31:34-He FORGETS them

e. Righteous communication (Words are SEEDS)It is imperative that our speech in marriage is handled carefully. One careless word uttered could send a signal into the veins of the marriage that will affect the home almost for life. It's amazing how many in their marriages have called their spouses 'Satan'. Hmm! Did you marry satan? The scriptures enjoin us in 2Cor6:7 - TRUTHFUL speech, Tit2:8 - SOUND speech, 1Pet3:10 - Refrain from DECEITFUL speech and Col4:6 - SEASONED/EDIFYING speech

In conclusion, we must understand that marriage is a MINISTRY not an end. God requires faithfulness to that which He has committed to your care. Faithfulness is simply means adherence to promises and observance of duty! It means true to the facts, standards or original. Marriage ends here so be faithful to building it and may the name of the LORD be honored in all our homes.

(c) Chinelo Ifeoma Dillimono 2011

Get more details from my book ADAM & EVE - The Power of the Homefront

Elements of a Blissful Christian Marriage

There is a difference between a Christian marriage and a marriage between two professing Christians. It is possible to be two church attending Christians yet have a completely unchristian home or should I say marriage. It is truly unfortunate what is seen in home today and sadly enough many unmarried folks are crazy about running into marriage. It is glaring and a known fact that too many are preparing for the wedding but very few are truly preparing for the marriage which is a totally different kettle of fish!

In today's world you have even in Christian homes abusive, disrespectful partners who have no qualms with treating their spouses in an unchristian manner. Words spoken to their spouses are almost like what Paul said that these things should not once be mentioned among you. Yet they are found in the homes and marriages of many Christians. Their light seems to shine only in Church and before the brethren but are completely unconcerned that our Christian testimony actually begins from the house. I have come to the conclusion that if my spouse cannot affirm and attest to my Christian conduct and character then I have got some homework to do.

A Christian marriage is one being built by two Christians submitted to the Word of God and the workings of the Holy Spirit. A marriage is not built in a day but rather is a process of together laying aside certain elements, attributes, attitudes and character traits that negate God's word and picking up that which makes for the honor of the name of Christ you bear and the marriage you are building. Your wedding is the door into marriage. Marriage is a journey that only ends in death and not divorce!

Prov 24:3 says by WISDOM a house/home/marriage is built and 1Cor1:30 says Christ is our WISDOM. Therefore it means 'By Christ a marriage is built'! Christ in us is the wisdom we need to build our homes. it's unfortunate when we see some Christian try to build their marriages on certain demeaning traditions that have no bearing in Christ! Christ is our TRADITION!

Here are some Christ-like Elements for a Blissful Christian Marriage

a. The Love of God (Agape-unconditional) The bible enjoins us to Follow the WAY of love, 1Cor16:14 - Do EVERYTHING in love, 1Pet1:22 - Love DEEPLY from the heart, Eph4:16 - BUILDING (Edifying) in love. Love your spouse unconditionally is no different from the demands of loving the brotherhood unconditionally.

b. Mutual Respect (Respect is EARNED not forced). In many cases it is believed that it is the woman's obligation to respect her husband and indeed we see it spelt out clearly in Eph5:33 - Wives RESPECT your husband (For his God-given position)but the scriptures also instructs the man to respect his wife as seen in 1Pet3:7 - Husbands RESPECT your wife (For her person)

c. Justice & Fairness (Godly consideration i.e. what is RIGHT and FAIR) God seeks justice and fairness in the marriage garden that he planted. He seeks just laws that don't oppress or deprive or rob God-given rights as a human being. Jesus says do unto others as you would have them do unto you - THE GOLDEN RULE!

d. Forgiveness - As Christ forgives us unconditionally. Prov12:16 says that love OVERLOOKS an insult, 1Cor13:5 - Love keeps NO RECORD of wrongs, Col3:13 - Forgive GRIEVANCES as Christ forgives you (How does God forgive us?) Mic7:19 - He HURLS/CASTS them to the depths of the sea and Jer31:34-He FORGETS them

e. Righteous communication (Words are SEEDS)It is imperative that our speech in marriage is handled carefully. One careless word uttered could send a signal into the veins of the marriage that will affect the home almost for life. It's amazing how many in their marriages have called their spouses 'Satan'. Hmm! Did you marry satan? The scriptures enjoin us in 2Cor6:7 - TRUTHFUL speech, Tit2:8 - SOUND speech, 1Pet3:10 - Refrain from DECEITFUL speech and Col4:6 - SEASONED/EDIFYING speech

In conclusion, we must understand that marriage is a MINISTRY not an end. God requires faithfulness to that which He has committed to your care. Faithfulness is simply means adherence to promises and observance of duty! It means true to the facts, standards or original. Marriage ends here so be faithful to building it and may the name of the LORD be honored in all our homes.

(c) Chinelo Ifeoma Dillimono 2009

For more of this get a copy of my book ADAM & EVE - The Power of the Homefront on www.234world.com

BE GENEROUS WITH YOUR LOVE

Isn't it interesting how girls and guys are so generous with love affection and care pre-maritally but suddenly become very stingy post-maritally? It seems that many caution themselves not to be too generous with it else the partner begins to take them for granted. Hey! Who else should take you for granted if not the one you love who loves you back? I always ask what people will do with all the love they carry in their hearts in the grave. Loving your spouse and being generous with your love is really the greatest gift you can give. Material gifts perish with use but love impresses an indelible mark on the heart of its recipient. Love never dies rather is a seed that brings a bountiful harvest to the giver

One of my life's philosophy about loving is 'Once you feel it, give it'. It extends even to other relationships. You know in my few years of existence and marriage, I have found out that there are moments we have this rush of love for our spouses. I personally believe those are divine moments that adds ions of years to the relationships if we maximize it. You may be in the office thinking about something totally different then that flood fills your heart, its time to be generous with it, Call your spouse and express it, send a text or an email. Let them know what you feel about them! The only sugar in my tea, skeleton in my cupboard :), love of my life whatever! Just express it. Let them know they are important to you.

You know I believe the reason why some people are stingy and deny themselves the awesomeness of the generosity of love is because they have been hurt before by their spouses and they don't want to be taken advantage of anymore, or they have seen other couples go through some tough times because one partner took advantage of the other; sometimes it's simply pride taking its toll on the one refusing to give it.

Hey! Life is too short to keep yourself from expressing love and maximizing all that emotion in your heart. You know we all had dreams of what it would be but most of the time it seems we didn't get our dream. Truth be told, your love dream is yours to make. If you sow seeds of love you get a harvest of love. That's simply the principle! What we watch sometimes in the movies are fantasies but love is a CHOICE and not HAPPENSTANCE! Love makes life and living so much fun and worth living. Quarrelling and disagreeing are all part of the marital package but are stepping stones to a greater relationship when you learn to fight according to the rules!

Well that's about it! Feel it, just give it! Don't die with it!

Any way never forget PRAYER CHANGES EVERYTHING!

LOVE WITHOUT CLINGING

Love without clinging
Cry if you must
But privately cry
The heart will adjust...

These are words from a profound poem by Ruth Bell Graham the wife of the world’s great evangelist Billy Graham. How often do some married people become very clingy and what you could call addictively dependent on their spouses. Well clingy love is very suffocating. It’s distressing and usually unreasonably demanding. People, who are clingy like this, usually are quite insecure and are dependent on their spouses for emotional strength and so on. They need their spouses to find meaning. They need them for approval. They need to hold on to them so tightly to feel their life is making a head way. They are very possessive. In short they are just needy people! Needy people make a relationship a drain. Unknown to them they put undue pressure on the relationship until the relationship caves in. Most often these clingy people define their need as love but love is not clingy and demanding. Love is rather giving! Love is giving meaning to our spouses and relationships. It adds or multiplies and doesn’t subtract or divide.

Unfortunately, many come into their marital relationships with faulty concepts that the relationship is all about them and is to ‘satisfy’ just them. In a way it could be true when placed in the proper perspective. Unfortunately, clingy lovers oftentimes don’t put their spouses into consideration and in the right perspective when making their emotional demands. A good marriage does satisfy but only on the premise that you have made investments into the relationship and as such you begin to enjoy yielded dividends that satisfy you. The primary thing is not to draw from the first day. Rather a good relationship is built on years of personal investing of time, ability, creativity, emotional support and love. When that’s done over the years then one can relax to enjoy the unprecedented dividends that accrue.

The question is this, what can we do to enjoy loving and being loved without becoming clingy and suffocating? It is said that if something is yours, lovingly let it go and surely it will come back to you. Sometimes clingy people are fearful people. The sad thing about such fear is that usually what they fear befalls them. When you are fearful that your spouse may leave they probably may, eventually, because unknown to you, you display certain attitudes and actions that either give you away and offends your partner who reads your actions as DISTRUST or you become a total put-off to your spouse who begins to feel unnecessarily pressured in the relationship.

BECOME A GIVER
One of the greatest things you could do in your relationship is see that you are a giver. Bob Marley quoted the scriptures when he sang “Blessed is the hand that giveth than the one that taketh”. What a true statement. To avoid becoming clingy and snuff out the life in your relationship, you need to position yourself as a giver. Of course there are those who take advantage of others and their kindness. That cannot be overlooked but there is a cord of truth that runs through the reins of life. You cannot do anything against the truth only for the truth. The power of giving cannot be overcome by a selfish recipient. When you are a life giver, you open yourself up for blessing and peace that cannot be quantified. Life in general is a risk. Marriage of course is a risk. We step into it with hope that it will work out. For it to work out there are principles we need to abide by and giving is one cardinal and fundamental principle that must of necessity be in place.



LOVE YOURSELF
You cannot give what you don’t have. Everyone who is clingy in their relationship is obviously devoid of self-love. Self-love could also become dangerous when it becomes self-centredness or selfishness and that is certainly not what I’m talking about here. Self-love here simply means learning the art of appreciating yourself for who you have been created by God to be, giving to yourself, pampering yourself when the need arises and getting to a point where you invest love into yourself such that it overflows into loving others and not being too needy about others loving you. It also gets to the point where you understand the art of loving others out of the fullness of the love you have for yourself and receiving love in return, graciously, when it is given.

RELEASE YOUR SPOUSE
Holding on too tight could be quite suffocating you know? Let your spouse go. In fact release your spouse on the wings of trust and faith. Trust many times is taken for granted by selfish and myopic individuals but the greatest anyone can give their spouses and themselves as well is the gift of release. It simply says “I love you enough to trust you not to hurt me but am not going to make you not hurt me. I f you don’t hurt me it is because you chose and love me enough not to!”. Big risk someone might say but best way to live y’all!

FIND YOUR ESSENCE
Nobody is born empty. Nobody is born to be totally dependent on anyone. We do need each other in what science calls a symbiotic relationship but not parasitic. Find the essence you have been born with and release it. Understand your uniqueness and ‘flaunt’ it. I use the word flaunt with caution. Someone may understand it as lewdness but I mean find your essence, that unique thing that makes you who you are. That core thing that is uniquely yours and maximize it. For some it’s their persona, for others it’s their intelligentsia, while for others it’s their warmth, for another its their ability to be strong and for others it’s their hearty nature. The list could go on and on but you just find what your essence is and touch your world, your environment, your family and especially your spouse. That way you will not be clingy rather you will have so much to give. One thing I have discovered is that everyone born of a woman has a lot of love to give. Its hidden way inside each of us but we need to understand how to let it flow.

On a final note, why be clingy? Excuse me; you have got so much love to give. If you don’t give it fully on this side of eternity, please what would you do with it in the grave? Reach out and touch! Be a giver and let’s make our world a better place!!

This is where I draw the curtains till next edition. Remember PRAYER CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!

Hello! Its me Remember

Hello!  It’s Me Remember?

Many times in my life, after some years I come across someone who happened to be a friend in primary school or somewhere down the line in my life and we probably meet at the airport, or mall or market or shop and the person comes excitedly to greet sometimes calls me by my name and am running through my mental database to remember who it is.  Don’t know about you but I often smile through the whole scene of course with some pain at the back of my ears but leave feeling totally ashamed of myself for not remembering.  Sometimes the person has details and is here reminding me of how we used to do this and that in those days.  It’s more like hearing the person’s heart saying ‘Hello!  It’s me remember? Hmph!

This scenario just puts succinctly my thoughts today about marriage and married people.  I once read the story of a young couple who were in love, got married, had lots of kids, got busy raising the kids until the nest was empty.  Then one morning the man and woman wake up and take a look at each other and couldn’t recognize themselves and headed straight for the divorce courts.  Tell you what, they lost contact with each other years ago.  The couple found out that all those years all they were doing was working to create a home for the kids and raise them, project a good face in the community but never had enough time to invest in each other.  I guess one of them would have been saying to the other ‘Hello, It’s me Remember?’  The other was probably squinting and trying to!

How important is it to invest in each other?  How important is it that we add value to our relationship and also to each other?  I think it’s absolutely important.  Except in a case of emotional and psychological dysfunction, the heart of every homo sapien usually gravitates towards the direction of positive influence and investment.  You find that we all cherish someone who makes a positive addition to our lives.  I find that the words of those who are closest to me, make more impact than that of those who are not.    The word of a spouse is more hurting or strengthening than that of any other person in the world.  You may call a man anything outside and he may not be perturbed but when it comes from his wife, it cuts through the heart like a sword and vice versa.

Gets me thinking that if only people can remember that the person we are married to is not perfect just like we are not and rather than tear down begin to add value to them with our words and attitudes then many years down the line we will be remembered.  You know why?  The person that blossoms becomes a product of your own making.  In counselling many times I tell the couples that if a man becomes great after he marries a woman, she’s done her job well and vice versa.  Your assignment in marriage is not to be a taker or the receiver but to add value to the life of the person you have joined your life with.  The hand that gives is far more blessed than the one that takes.  Your assignment is to help bring out the best in the person.   It is usually small minded, myopic thinkers that focus more on what they can gain from the person they are married to.

A complete failure of a man can become the President of a group of companies if only he has a wife that adds value to him.  She doesn’t allow him wallow in his present circumstances, she doesn’t compare him with other men, doesn’t make undue demands that put him under unnecessary pressure or push him further to think he is a failure and can never become anything in life.  She helps him with her attitudes and words.  In like manner a man can turn a sloppy wife into a princess and the quintessence of his delight when he rather than pecks at her, teaches her, guides her, covers her and gently shows her. 

Hey, no sane person forgets the person that invests in them.  Recently I went to the salon to wash my hair and the young man asked if I wasn’t going to fix my weave on and I said yes but I was going to have some other person fix it for me just to ‘encourage’ him in his trade.  I was touched when this young man said to me ‘Ma’am you are right, we really need encouragement’.  Everybody needs someone to encourage them.  Every man and woman needs someone to speak positively into their lives.  We all want someone who believes in us.  We all want someone who will stand when we are all broken, torn up and crumbling inside.  We all need someone who will say you can when everything in you says you cannot.

Hello!  It’s me Remember?  Don’t let your spouse feed from outside.  Don’t let them look for encouragements from the lips of another person.  Don’t let them sleep on the same bed with you and wake up in the morning thinking of whom they will talk with over their heart issues.  Don’t be there and yet really not there for them.  Don’t let them feel obligated but not appreciated.  Yes marriage is an obligation but it can move beyond being an obligation to being a delight.  It comes by all of us choosing to add value to the lives of the ones we love. HELLO! IT’S ME REMEMBER?

Guess this is it, till next time, never forget that PRAYER CHANGES EVERYTHING!