MY LIFE MY WORSHIP

Every Christian in every sense of the word is a worshipper or should I say should be a worshipper. More often than not especially on Sunday mornings Christians around the world use this phrase "I'm off to church to worship"! Now also in church when we sing those slow songs, goose-bumpy ballads with the keyboards and synthesizers set to some awesome sound we call it worship. In themselves that's really not bad but true worship is the lifting up of the heart. It is the lifting up to the full view of God everything that we are. It is laying bare sincerely before Him who we are in appreciation for who He is to us and who He has made us to be in Him. In the words of A.W. Tozer 'Worship is to feel in the heart'.

In other words worship is really not an act but a sacrifice of our lives on the altar of love to Him. Worship is more than a song. It is who we are. Our lives, our waking, our sleeping, our secrets, our open lives, our speech, thoughts, heart attitudes, everything that makes us who we are. In simple terms MY LIFE, LIVING & LIFESTYLE IS MY WORSHIP!!

Elements of a Blissful Christian Marriage

There is a difference between a Christian marriage and a marriage between two professing Christians. It is possible to be two church attending Christians yet have a completely unchristian home or should I say marriage. It is truly unfortunate what is seen in home today and sadly enough many unmarried folks are crazy about running into marriage. It is glaring and a known fact that too many are preparing for the wedding but very few are truly preparing for the marriage which is a totally different kettle of fish!

In today's world you have even in Christian homes abusive, disrespectful partners who have no qualms with treating their spouses in an unchristian manner. Words spoken to their spouses are almost like what Paul said that these things should not once be mentioned among you. Yet they are found in the homes and marriages of many Christians. Their light seems to shine only in Church and before the brethren but are completely unconcerned that our Christian testimony actually begins from the house. I have come to the conclusion that if my spouse cannot affirm and attest to my Christian conduct and character then I have got some homework to do.

A Christian marriage is one being built by two Christians submitted to the Word of God and the workings of the Holy Spirit. A marriage is not built in a day but rather is a process of together laying aside certain elements, attributes, attitudes and character traits that negate God's word and picking up that which makes for the honor of the name of Christ you bear and the marriage you are building. Your wedding is the door into marriage. Marriage is a journey that only ends in death and not divorce!

Prov 24:3 says by WISDOM a house/home/marriage is built and 1Cor1:30 says Christ is our WISDOM. Therefore it means 'By Christ a marriage is built'! Christ in us is the wisdom we need to build our homes. it's unfortunate when we see some Christian try to build their marriages on certain demeaning traditions that have no bearing in Christ! Christ is our TRADITION!

Here are some Christ-like Elements for a Blissful Christian Marriage

a. The Love of God (Agape-unconditional) The bible enjoins us to Follow the WAY of love, 1Cor16:14 - Do EVERYTHING in love, 1Pet1:22 - Love DEEPLY from the heart, Eph4:16 - BUILDING (Edifying) in love. Love your spouse unconditionally is no different from the demands of loving the brotherhood unconditionally.

b. Mutual Respect (Respect is EARNED not forced). In many cases it is believed that it is the woman's obligation to respect her husband and indeed we see it spelt out clearly in Eph5:33 - Wives RESPECT your husband (For his God-given position)but the scriptures also instructs the man to respect his wife as seen in 1Pet3:7 - Husbands RESPECT your wife (For her person)

c. Justice & Fairness (Godly consideration i.e. what is RIGHT and FAIR) God seeks justice and fairness in the marriage garden that he planted. He seeks just laws that don't oppress or deprive or rob God-given rights as a human being. Jesus says do unto others as you would have them do unto you - THE GOLDEN RULE!

d. Forgiveness - As Christ forgives us unconditionally. Prov12:16 says that love OVERLOOKS an insult, 1Cor13:5 - Love keeps NO RECORD of wrongs, Col3:13 - Forgive GRIEVANCES as Christ forgives you (How does God forgive us?) Mic7:19 - He HURLS/CASTS them to the depths of the sea and Jer31:34-He FORGETS them

e. Righteous communication (Words are SEEDS)It is imperative that our speech in marriage is handled carefully. One careless word uttered could send a signal into the veins of the marriage that will affect the home almost for life. It's amazing how many in their marriages have called their spouses 'Satan'. Hmm! Did you marry satan? The scriptures enjoin us in 2Cor6:7 - TRUTHFUL speech, Tit2:8 - SOUND speech, 1Pet3:10 - Refrain from DECEITFUL speech and Col4:6 - SEASONED/EDIFYING speech

In conclusion, we must understand that marriage is a MINISTRY not an end. God requires faithfulness to that which He has committed to your care. Faithfulness is simply means adherence to promises and observance of duty! It means true to the facts, standards or original. Marriage ends here so be faithful to building it and may the name of the LORD be honored in all our homes.

(c) Chinelo Ifeoma Dillimono 2009

For more of this get a copy of my book ADAM & EVE - The Power of the Homefront on www.234world.com

BE GENEROUS WITH YOUR LOVE

Isn't it interesting how girls and guys are so generous with love affection and care pre-maritally but suddenly become very stingy post-maritally? It seems that many caution themselves not to be too generous with it else the partner begins to take them for granted. Hey! Who else should take you for granted if not the one you love who loves you back? I always ask what people will do with all the love they carry in their hearts in the grave. Loving your spouse and being generous with your love is really the greatest gift you can give. Material gifts perish with use but love impresses an indelible mark on the heart of its recipient. Love never dies rather is a seed that brings a bountiful harvest to the giver

One of my life's philosophy about loving is 'Once you feel it, give it'. It extends even to other relationships. You know in my few years of existence and marriage, I have found out that there are moments we have this rush of love for our spouses. I personally believe those are divine moments that adds ions of years to the relationships if we maximize it. You may be in the office thinking about something totally different then that flood fills your heart, its time to be generous with it, Call your spouse and express it, send a text or an email. Let them know what you feel about them! The only sugar in my tea, skeleton in my cupboard :), love of my life whatever! Just express it. Let them know they are important to you.

You know I believe the reason why some people are stingy and deny themselves the awesomeness of the generosity of love is because they have been hurt before by their spouses and they don't want to be taken advantage of anymore, or they have seen other couples go through some tough times because one partner took advantage of the other; sometimes it's simply pride taking its toll on the one refusing to give it.

Hey! Life is too short to keep yourself from expressing love and maximizing all that emotion in your heart. You know we all had dreams of what it would be but most of the time it seems we didn't get our dream. Truth be told, your love dream is yours to make. If you sow seeds of love you get a harvest of love. That's simply the principle! What we watch sometimes in the movies are fantasies but love is a CHOICE and not HAPPENSTANCE! Love makes life and living so much fun and worth living. Quarrelling and disagreeing are all part of the marital package but are stepping stones to a greater relationship when you learn to fight according to the rules!

Well that's about it! Feel it, just give it! Don't die with it!

Any way never forget PRAYER CHANGES EVERYTHING!

LOVE WITHOUT CLINGING

Love without clinging
Cry if you must
But privately cry
The heart will adjust...

These are words from a profound poem by Ruth Bell Graham the wife of the world’s great evangelist Billy Graham. How often do some married people become very clingy and what you could call addictively dependent on their spouses. Well clingy love is very suffocating. It’s distressing and usually unreasonably demanding. People, who are clingy like this, usually are quite insecure and are dependent on their spouses for emotional strength and so on. They need their spouses to find meaning. They need them for approval. They need to hold on to them so tightly to feel their life is making a head way. They are very possessive. In short they are just needy people! Needy people make a relationship a drain. Unknown to them they put undue pressure on the relationship until the relationship caves in. Most often these clingy people define their need as love but love is not clingy and demanding. Love is rather giving! Love is giving meaning to our spouses and relationships. It adds or multiplies and doesn’t subtract or divide.

Unfortunately, many come into their marital relationships with faulty concepts that the relationship is all about them and is to ‘satisfy’ just them. In a way it could be true when placed in the proper perspective. Unfortunately, clingy lovers oftentimes don’t put their spouses into consideration and in the right perspective when making their emotional demands. A good marriage does satisfy but only on the premise that you have made investments into the relationship and as such you begin to enjoy yielded dividends that satisfy you. The primary thing is not to draw from the first day. Rather a good relationship is built on years of personal investing of time, ability, creativity, emotional support and love. When that’s done over the years then one can relax to enjoy the unprecedented dividends that accrue.

The question is this, what can we do to enjoy loving and being loved without becoming clingy and suffocating? It is said that if something is yours, lovingly let it go and surely it will come back to you. Sometimes clingy people are fearful people. The sad thing about such fear is that usually what they fear befalls them. When you are fearful that your spouse may leave they probably may, eventually, because unknown to you, you display certain attitudes and actions that either give you away and offends your partner who reads your actions as DISTRUST or you become a total put-off to your spouse who begins to feel unnecessarily pressured in the relationship.

BECOME A GIVER
One of the greatest things you could do in your relationship is see that you are a giver. Bob Marley quoted the scriptures when he sang “Blessed is the hand that giveth than the one that taketh”. What a true statement. To avoid becoming clingy and snuff out the life in your relationship, you need to position yourself as a giver. Of course there are those who take advantage of others and their kindness. That cannot be overlooked but there is a cord of truth that runs through the reins of life. You cannot do anything against the truth only for the truth. The power of giving cannot be overcome by a selfish recipient. When you are a life giver, you open yourself up for blessing and peace that cannot be quantified. Life in general is a risk. Marriage of course is a risk. We step into it with hope that it will work out. For it to work out there are principles we need to abide by and giving is one cardinal and fundamental principle that must of necessity be in place.



LOVE YOURSELF
You cannot give what you don’t have. Everyone who is clingy in their relationship is obviously devoid of self-love. Self-love could also become dangerous when it becomes self-centredness or selfishness and that is certainly not what I’m talking about here. Self-love here simply means learning the art of appreciating yourself for who you have been created by God to be, giving to yourself, pampering yourself when the need arises and getting to a point where you invest love into yourself such that it overflows into loving others and not being too needy about others loving you. It also gets to the point where you understand the art of loving others out of the fullness of the love you have for yourself and receiving love in return, graciously, when it is given.

RELEASE YOUR SPOUSE
Holding on too tight could be quite suffocating you know? Let your spouse go. In fact release your spouse on the wings of trust and faith. Trust many times is taken for granted by selfish and myopic individuals but the greatest anyone can give their spouses and themselves as well is the gift of release. It simply says “I love you enough to trust you not to hurt me but am not going to make you not hurt me. I f you don’t hurt me it is because you chose and love me enough not to!”. Big risk someone might say but best way to live y’all!

FIND YOUR ESSENCE
Nobody is born empty. Nobody is born to be totally dependent on anyone. We do need each other in what science calls a symbiotic relationship but not parasitic. Find the essence you have been born with and release it. Understand your uniqueness and ‘flaunt’ it. I use the word flaunt with caution. Someone may understand it as lewdness but I mean find your essence, that unique thing that makes you who you are. That core thing that is uniquely yours and maximize it. For some it’s their persona, for others it’s their intelligentsia, while for others it’s their warmth, for another its their ability to be strong and for others it’s their hearty nature. The list could go on and on but you just find what your essence is and touch your world, your environment, your family and especially your spouse. That way you will not be clingy rather you will have so much to give. One thing I have discovered is that everyone born of a woman has a lot of love to give. Its hidden way inside each of us but we need to understand how to let it flow.

On a final note, why be clingy? Excuse me; you have got so much love to give. If you don’t give it fully on this side of eternity, please what would you do with it in the grave? Reach out and touch! Be a giver and let’s make our world a better place!!

This is where I draw the curtains till next edition. Remember PRAYER CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!

Hello! Its me Remember

Hello!  It’s Me Remember?

Many times in my life, after some years I come across someone who happened to be a friend in primary school or somewhere down the line in my life and we probably meet at the airport, or mall or market or shop and the person comes excitedly to greet sometimes calls me by my name and am running through my mental database to remember who it is.  Don’t know about you but I often smile through the whole scene of course with some pain at the back of my ears but leave feeling totally ashamed of myself for not remembering.  Sometimes the person has details and is here reminding me of how we used to do this and that in those days.  It’s more like hearing the person’s heart saying ‘Hello!  It’s me remember? Hmph!

This scenario just puts succinctly my thoughts today about marriage and married people.  I once read the story of a young couple who were in love, got married, had lots of kids, got busy raising the kids until the nest was empty.  Then one morning the man and woman wake up and take a look at each other and couldn’t recognize themselves and headed straight for the divorce courts.  Tell you what, they lost contact with each other years ago.  The couple found out that all those years all they were doing was working to create a home for the kids and raise them, project a good face in the community but never had enough time to invest in each other.  I guess one of them would have been saying to the other ‘Hello, It’s me Remember?’  The other was probably squinting and trying to!

How important is it to invest in each other?  How important is it that we add value to our relationship and also to each other?  I think it’s absolutely important.  Except in a case of emotional and psychological dysfunction, the heart of every homo sapien usually gravitates towards the direction of positive influence and investment.  You find that we all cherish someone who makes a positive addition to our lives.  I find that the words of those who are closest to me, make more impact than that of those who are not.    The word of a spouse is more hurting or strengthening than that of any other person in the world.  You may call a man anything outside and he may not be perturbed but when it comes from his wife, it cuts through the heart like a sword and vice versa.

Gets me thinking that if only people can remember that the person we are married to is not perfect just like we are not and rather than tear down begin to add value to them with our words and attitudes then many years down the line we will be remembered.  You know why?  The person that blossoms becomes a product of your own making.  In counselling many times I tell the couples that if a man becomes great after he marries a woman, she’s done her job well and vice versa.  Your assignment in marriage is not to be a taker or the receiver but to add value to the life of the person you have joined your life with.  The hand that gives is far more blessed than the one that takes.  Your assignment is to help bring out the best in the person.   It is usually small minded, myopic thinkers that focus more on what they can gain from the person they are married to.

A complete failure of a man can become the President of a group of companies if only he has a wife that adds value to him.  She doesn’t allow him wallow in his present circumstances, she doesn’t compare him with other men, doesn’t make undue demands that put him under unnecessary pressure or push him further to think he is a failure and can never become anything in life.  She helps him with her attitudes and words.  In like manner a man can turn a sloppy wife into a princess and the quintessence of his delight when he rather than pecks at her, teaches her, guides her, covers her and gently shows her. 

Hey, no sane person forgets the person that invests in them.  Recently I went to the salon to wash my hair and the young man asked if I wasn’t going to fix my weave on and I said yes but I was going to have some other person fix it for me just to ‘encourage’ him in his trade.  I was touched when this young man said to me ‘Ma’am you are right, we really need encouragement’.  Everybody needs someone to encourage them.  Every man and woman needs someone to speak positively into their lives.  We all want someone who believes in us.  We all want someone who will stand when we are all broken, torn up and crumbling inside.  We all need someone who will say you can when everything in you says you cannot.

Hello!  It’s me Remember?  Don’t let your spouse feed from outside.  Don’t let them look for encouragements from the lips of another person.  Don’t let them sleep on the same bed with you and wake up in the morning thinking of whom they will talk with over their heart issues.  Don’t be there and yet really not there for them.  Don’t let them feel obligated but not appreciated.  Yes marriage is an obligation but it can move beyond being an obligation to being a delight.  It comes by all of us choosing to add value to the lives of the ones we love. HELLO! IT’S ME REMEMBER?

Guess this is it, till next time, never forget that PRAYER CHANGES EVERYTHING!